hey, sailor

26 Feb

sleep deprived

25 Feb

It’s not pretty, folks. Or maybe I should say I’m not pretty, because of the giant freaking bags under my eyes.

I have treatment plans and monthly summaries coming out my nose.

If I make it through this week I am doing nothing but sleeping over the weekend…unless something fun comes up.

And now, because I am so damn tired, I will let Natalie Dee express how I feel and then I’m going to sleep.


10 Feb

This is the sweetest thing I’ve seen in a long time.  This goldfish lost her ability to regulate her buoyancy and was stuck at the bottom of the tank. The owner crafted her a fish “wheelchair” and now she can swim again.

It’s so touching. It’s great to see someone caring about even the tiniest creature. It lifts my spirits! And that goldfish is super cute.


strange pull

6 Feb


4 Feb

So I’m a little late to hop on the resolution bandwagon. I don’t like resolutions particularly, but I need to set some goals for myself. I may not get them all done by the end of 2013 but I need to put a concerted effort in.

  1. Figure out what I’m going to do with my my life (at least the next 5 years or so)
  2. Find a full-time job that has decent pay doing said thing
  3. Pay down loans or get them forgiven
  4. Do hobbies/activities that make me happy
  5. Make more friends
  6. Find “life partner”

I know, I just said “life partner.” Ewwww. But I didn’t know what else to call it. You know what I mean.

So friends, if you see any good jobs near you send ’em my way. Have talent, will travel.


1 Feb

Feeling sentimental and listening to sad love songs. I did a good job this week, but the pain is still there hiding under the surface.

But there’s something about being in pain that also makes you see things more clearly, and appreciate things more. It feels raw and kind of good at the same time.

But, I shouldn’t think about these things too much.

Have a good weekend, everybody.

je danse

29 Jan

So, as I often do after a breakup, I started a new hobby. This time it’s ballet.

I’ve always wanted to try it. I had my first class on Monday and it was so much fun. And, the teacher said I did incredibly well for someone who has never done it before. I think all that yoga in my past helps some. I’m really excited about it and all of the muscles in my body hurt. I haven’t been this excited about something in a long time so I guess that means I’m doing pretty good. My second class is tomorrow and then I’m going to buy my ballet shoes.  <3

PS – I’m also addicted to Bunheads. I know it sounds cheesy, but it’s really cute and clever and funny.

it always gets worse before it gets better

27 Jan

Spent almost the entire day doing paperwork for a job that doesn’t pay me for the time it takes to do the paperwork. At least that kept me busy though.

Now I’m starting to feel bad. Why is it always worse at night? Because I’m tired maybe. Because I start thinking about things that are better left alone.

Today was the first day that I have had absolutely no contact of any kind with him. But there are little reminders everywhere. I found the rose that he gave me on our second date. I thought for a while that I could keep it, that it wouldn’t bother me. But I was wrong, so I threw it away. But I have so many other things to remind me of him that it doesn’t really matter. And I know this is going to get worse before it gets better.

i didn’t want to do it

26 Jan

I didn’t want to do it, but I had to.

He called me last night, to chat, to say he missed me, to say he wished I was there.

I said he was the one who decided I shouldn’t be there.

I asked him not to call me again.

I really didn’t want to say it. Of course I want to talk to him. I still want us to be together. But that was the choice he made.

I hope I’m right about this.

empty as the spaces between the stars

24 Jan

I feel empty. I cried a lot on the three days leading up to the breakup. But I’m not crying anymore.

I’m not sure what that means. I got up this morning, went to work, did my job. I admit, I’ve had a little pharmaceutical help in the form of Clonazepam. But I still find my reaction strange. I seem fine. I’m not broken to pieces as I had expected.

I’m wondering if the worst just hasn’t happened yet. Maybe I haven’t really started to miss him. I definitely haven’t gotten to the part where I get madder than a hornet. I know that will come. That one always shows up eventually after this happens.

Or maybe it’s because change is the hardest part of a breakup, and I had been preparing for a change for the last couple of months. I just didn’t get the specific change that I had wanted. I’m sure as time goes on I’ll have those moments of sorrow, where I start to cry unexpectedly when I see something that reminds me of him. I’ll have to remove/block a bunch of stuff on Facebook so I don’t have to look at it. The nostalgia of the good times will creep up.

But I know enough about myself now. I know exactly who I am. I’ve done this enough times.

Anyway, an empty vessel leaves space for you to fill it up with anything you want.

time passing

24 Jan

I turned thirty two weeks ago. I thought I was going to have a lot of trouble dealing with it, but I turned out to be fine. I guess the times I freaked out at 27, 28, and 29 made a freakout at 30 redundant.

I was okay in part because I was in a relationship with somebody whom I really loved and I felt happy. But that’s over now too. And even though I felt pretty terrible for the past few weeks and a lot of other stressful things have happened, I am okay. I know I haven’t fully dealt with it yet and I’m going to feel terrible some more before I’m over it, but I will be okay.

And there are lovely people in my life who care about me and have been supporting me, and I am very thankful for that. Thank you to all of my friends and family. I love you.

But, be prepared to deal with my blubbering for the next couple of weeks.

seriously… kidding

23 Jan

I know I already posted this once before, but I feel like I need to really remember this right now as I’m at an difficult juncture in my life.

introverts, ep. 2

22 Jan

Here’s episode 2 of The Power of Introverts, for those who may be interested. I find a striking similarity between the personality traits for introverts and those for many of us who are aspies.



21 Jan

This felt vaguely Buddhist to me…and it’s something I wonder about.

That tricky brain can’t be trusted. It’ll tell you all kinds of weird stuff…maybe.


14 Jan

So sad.

the value of introverts

4 Dec

A new webseries about the value of introverts in an extroverted society:


2 Sep

dear parents

13 Aug

…I know you think your child is cute, but I don’t want to see pictures of your baby covered in food. Gross.

And if you happen to be the parent of an animal instead of a human child, I don’t care what your cat did.

Thank you.

happiness is a warm gun

12 Aug

The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one.

– Spock

Disclaimer: This is a post about my support of gun control in America. If you don’t want to hear about it I suggest you stop reading now.

Gun control is such a sensitive topic for Americans. I’m not going to hash out the usual arguments here for two reasons: (a) you can find those arguments pretty much anywhere on the internet so there’s no need for me to repeat them, and (b) I have found that this is such a divisive issue that trying to convince anyone on either side of this debate to modify their opinion not very fruitful.
My question is about the evolution of the United States as a country and our evolution as a people. Are guns even relevant to a modern life?

We tend to get hung up on the constitution and what we are entitled to in this country. Okay, you have the right to have guns. But why do you need them? Going hunting only requires a few rifles or maybe a shotgun. Nothing automatic is needed in this case.

If we stopped being so afraid that our individual rights are being taken away we might be able to consider that sacrificing a little bit in this area could lead to a huge benefit for the community as a whole. A mark of a good society is that it cares about the safety and wellbeing of all of its members.

We can’t do whatever we want whenever we want because we live in a community with other people. The truth is I am not that important. I don’t get to exercise my personal freedoms all the time. If that’s the sacrifice I have to make to save some lives I am completely okay with that.

go team!

3 Aug

Hello, all! I know I haven’t posted in a million years. I’m doing really well and getting in shape, so I’m feeling good.

Anyway, I’m an Olympic fanatic and I just can’t get enough of this video of the US Swimming Team. You’ve probably already seen it, but here it is if you haven’t. They’re adorable! Go USA!

%d bloggers like this: