my brain has no game

7 Jan

Meditation is hard. But, it can be hard for lots of different reasons. It varies from day to day. Sometimes you’re tired and you’re trying to stay awake. Sometimes your leg is asleep or your back hurts and it’s distracting you. Sometimes you just can’t concentrate (monkey mind).

I’ve been having an anxiety problem lately. Trying to get through the whirlwind of obsessive thoughts has proven difficult. Last night, every time I would let go for a second I felt a sense of fear and the thoughts would come rushing back in. It’s as if I’m afraid to be alone with myself, without all of those pointless thoughts to distract me. It’s like I’m on a bad date with my brain; it gets freaked out by the awkward pause so it blurts out something nonsensical.

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