I’m too old for this

23 Oct

I find myself saying that phrase fairly often these days. I don’t feel old, like elderly. I just feel too old for certain things, like school. I’ve turned into a slacker.

I don’t really care to do any of this stuff anymore. I still have 201 days until graduation. It feels like forever. I’d rather be knitting, or baking, or doing something that has a tangible result. Consequently, I do those things instead of studying. I made a pumpkin roll yesterday. That’s an accomplishment, right?

Work has been pretty boring lately too.

I think the winter doldrums are setting in a little early this year.



4 Responses to “I’m too old for this”

  1. Bev Leroux October 24, 2011 at 12:42 #

    I feel ya, Blackbird. Could be a case of consciousness rising and everyone beginning to realize just how useless a lot of pursuits are in the long run. Since retiring last November, I’m “Free2beme24-7” and I love it. I no longer have to do what I don’t want to do just to keep a roof over my head. Sure, I could use a little more income to afford luxuries like the dentist for me and the vet for my dog, Lily. But I am soooooooo reluctant to take any kind of paying job that ties me down to a schedule. I’m experiencing PLESD “post-lifelong-employment stress disorder” and just the thought of handing over any of my power to others gives me the willies.

    I’m spending much of my time, these days, supporting and contributing to the Worldwide Occupy Revolution through Occupy Toronto; participating in our local adults-on-the-autism-spectrum community; knitting, writing, meditating, cooking, and listening to good music; playing ball with Lily; and keeping in touch with and supporting friends and my long-distance family. These are full and joyful days.

    Blackbird, I’ll bet your pumpkin roll was scrumptious! If it smells good, tastes good or feels good… no need to ask if it’s an accomplishment.

    At Occupy Toronto in St. James Park, I’ve been speaking to a lot of young folks over the past nine days. There is a huge shift happening. The status quo is out and a new world order is evolving. Exciting times we live in!

    You are so close to the finish line in your university degree. Bite the bullet and keep at it. Who knows if the new world we are creating will value signed and sealed credentials from institutions of ‘higher learning’. No doubt direct perception will be our access to knowledge as consciousness rises. But in the meantime, that piece of paper may prove useful.

    The last three years leading up to retirement were a daily slog for me and many times I felt I wouldn’t make it to the finish line. But I did the math and realized my new freedom would be at risk if I didn’t have enough income to live on. So I kept on… to max my pensions… until that wonderful day, November 30, 2010, finally arrived.
    You can do it. You are so close to completion. 201 days will slip by like a dream and you will be free to embrace your future and all that it promises. Cheering for you!

    PS: For me the onset of winter conjures up images of warn light from my favourite lamps, cozy quilts and pillows, lap robes, hot tea, Lily cuddling stretched out in a long line on my legs on top of the ottoman, knitting, homemade soups, and most of all freedom from the oppressive humid heat of summers in Toronto. Crisp sunlit days, fresh air from open windows… nothing like it! *deep breath followed by contented sigh* The downside: short days and long, dark nights. Antidote: lots of warm light, candles, music, good food and all the rest of those creature comforts that give us the warm fuzzies.

  2. blackbird3398 October 24, 2011 at 20:46 #

    Thanks for the comments, Bev! Only 37 years until I can retire!

    • Bev Leroux October 24, 2011 at 22:59 #

      Find a way to do something you love and get paid for it. Then it won’t feel like work and ‘retirement’ won’t be relevant! Seriously.

  3. Bruce (born 2b me) October 30, 2011 at 14:31 #

    Hi Britt, in my final undergrad year I was disillusioned and ready to quit. For some reason I kept on attending class, and then in the last three weeks I put on a big push, did all my overdue assignments and crammed for the exams. Net result: I was invited by my undergrad adviser to be her grad student. I never regretted putting on that push and getting the degree. It did open some doors that might have otherwise been closed, and increased my earning capacity. And it got me a job with LTD insurance which I collected for 17 years after getting ME/CFS.
    But then, I suppose if I had followed Bev’s advice and pursued my passion, I might not have burned out and gotten sick!!
    But it sure can be tough to pursue studies when we can’t see the immediate relevance. I wish you well.

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