in the nexus of blah

8 Nov

[rant alert]

Do you ever feel like everything in your life is conspiring to annoy the crap out of you one tiny thing at a time?

Yeah. It’s not a good feeling.

It’s when nothing truly bad happens, just a lot of little stuff starts to stack up.

School and work are simultaneously boring and stressful. It feels like it is going on forever. But you may be thinking, I get a break during the holidays. It’s true. I do get about a month off from school. But then there are the holidays to contend with. A period that just allows me more time to think about how single I am. Especially because I wasn’t single last year at this time. Then there’s the looming specter of my master’s research just beyond the horizon, when the new semester starts.

And then, right after the new year is my birthday. Again, a time when I lament how little I’ve accomplished. This birthday will be the last birthday in my twenties. I’m more than a little annoyed with that prospect. I’m starting to notice the first little signs of aging. I have three gray hairs. I know exactly where all of them are so I can check and see if they are spawning more. This wouldn’t bother me except for the fact that I’m not married. I am acutely aware of my prime child-bearing years just ticking away here.

So, my days consist of boredom punctuated by irritation (caused by children who constantly scream or attempt to attack me) or brief bursts of stinging loneliness. I’m exhausted.

I just have to make it through the next three months without getting totally overwhelmed.

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2 Responses to “in the nexus of blah”

  1. Bev Leroux November 8, 2011 at 16:26 #

    Perfect Storm

    1. Tough time of the year what with the Holidays and your birthday ahead, being single and feeling alone.
    2. The boring, irritating job — coupled with your master’s research and thesis — unmanageable . Spending all day with screaming out-of-control kids while approaching a steep climb further up a mountain you need to summit at the same time — unimaginable.
    3. You thought you would be in a different place at this time in your life.
    4. Your biological clock is ticking.

    Riding out the Storm

    1. Gather your wonderful family and friends around you and design your very own Holiday Season and Birthday filled with every comfort you enjoy. Give to others in need.
    2. Seriously consider finding another job that is a better fit for where you are in your life right now. Something you enjoy doing… low-stress. Then you’ll have the energy you need to give to your master’s work.
    3. You are so very far ahead of thousands of others at your age. You have your undergrad degree. You made a difficult choice in your life because you know you deserve better. You are taking time to get to know yourself and to heal.
    4. You are still very young to be concerned about the ticking clock.

    You’re a wonderful young woman… someone I’ve grown very fond of and feel a kinship with even though we’ve never met. Hey, we both love Zooey Deschanel and knitting, too!

    Speaking of knitting, I’ve gathered some hat ideas for you to choose from. Will email separately… today!

    Sending you a big, warm ((HUG))!
    and my Lily says, “Woof-woof!”

    • blackbird3398 November 8, 2011 at 18:41 #

      Thanks, Bev! It helps to have someone else put things back into perspective a little bit.

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